Now that I have some time to myself, I can expound my previous post.
Last night, I experienced a moment of clarity that was unlike anything I had ever felt. I felt as though, for a brief moment, I could see how perfect everything was, and like my previous post states, I tilted my head back and laughed at the sky. Well, the ceiling, but you get the point. For the first time, it was though all the fog cleared, and I could see IT for the first time. What exactly IT is, I don't think I can explain. Perhaps IT is my future, perhaps IT is my dream, or perhaps IT is my path.
The only way I can think to describe it is this:
Imagine you are driving to the coast for the first time in years. Academically, you know what it looks like - it's an ocean, but you can't quite remember what it actually looks like.
After driving in the rain for hours, you come to the place where you can see the ocean for the first time, peeking through the trees. A glimpse here, a glimpse there, but never quite enough. Then, all of a sudden, you drive around a bend, the rain stops, the sun begins to shine, and THERE IT IS. Glorious. Breathtaking in its magnificent simplicity. The very sight of it fills you with ecstatic joy and peace all at the same time.
The epiphany I had last night, if I were to compare it to an algebraic equation, wasn't a piercing moment of clarity regarding the solution, nor was it about the equation itself. It was X. The great unknown variable. It was so very simple, and it had been there all the time.
And I tilted my head back and laughed at the sky.
I get it now.
Life is good.