Capital Cities - "Farrah Fawcett Hair"
The last few weeks have been pretty stressful and incredibly depressing. After a long drive in the mountains the other day, I decided that I needed to put more effort into positive thinking, more focus on what makes me happy rather than what's making me miserable.
So what makes me happy?
Right now? Opiates. HA. I'm a little loopy.
Riding my bike in the rain. Daffodils. Standing with my toes in the mighty Pacific, feeling small. The smell of strawberry fields in the morning. Holding hands. Fresh picked blackberries, warm from the sun. Taking a 4 hour bubble bath and reading a book. Lightning storms. Hiking slowly, taking time to experience it. The smell of lavender and chamomile. Slipping between clean sheets when I'm fresh from the shower. Maps. Listening to music and singing and dancing to it like a fool when I'm alone. Dreams of the sea and of sailing away. Sitting quietly and watching birds. The way he makes me feel. Beachcombing. A good whiskey and a fine cigar. Petting Princess Voldemort. The way my mom smells. Spending the day at a coffee shop, reading a book and ignoring the world at large. Fresh caught, field dressed trout cooked over a campfire. Holding my loved ones close. The way my body aches after a day of hard work. Learning. Always learning. Morning sex followed by orange juice and croissants. And a shower. Traveling as far and for as long as possible. And as often as possible. My favorite sweatpants and hoodie, fresh from the dryer. Puddlejumping! Warm, sweetened milk with vanilla and nutmeg. Spending time with Calamity, especially outside. Art, in all its many forms. Mexican culture. Listening to marimba and mariachi bands while eating tortas cubanos in el zocalo in Oaxaca. Mezcal. The way music beats through my veins. Burying my face in spring's first rain kissed lilacs. Justin Timberlake. Lifting weights. The austere beauty of the Aleutian Islands in midwinter. Sleeping, preferably not alone. Sketching. Snowflakes so big you can see each one clearly. Creating meals for people I care about. Mediterranean food. Sipping mimosas while getting a spa pedicure in a massage chair. The miracle that is the human body. Running on a treadmill. The hum of bike tires on pavement. Making things evolve from sheets of metal, especially copper. The moment the solder starts to flow. Sunrise. Drinking my own beer. The burgeoning of spring. Baking pies. Driving fast with the windows down and the music up. The way cherry blossoms fall like pink snow in Portland. Flying a kite. Yoga. Planning a trip to Finland to stay at an ice hotel and watch the Aurora Borealis. Hats, bags, and shoes. Trying new things, eating new foods, seeing new places, smelling new smells. Cheese. Working the dirt with my hands, making things grow. The smell of diesel exhaust. Volunteering. The kindness and generosity that surprises me on a daily basis. Muscle cars. Finding cool shit at thrift stores and yard sales. Independence. Watching the sky. Freedom. Spreading lovingkindness around the universe as much as I possibly can. Plaid flannel shirts. Following the Eight Fold Path. Realizing the Four Noble Truths. Belt buckles and tooled leather belts. Doing absolutely nothing at all.
Wow. That was an interesting experiment. I actually feel a lot better! It took hours longer than I thought it would, but when you're writing down the things that make you happy, the longer, the better, I suppose.
(heh...heh... Shut up, Beavis.)
As a part of my "aggressive self love", I have given my little super magnifying mirror and my good tweezers to my roommate and asked her to hide them from me. It is a difficult but necessary step away from that particular neurosis. I think healthier skin and less visible forehead space will be the most severe side effects. Just another bad habit to break. Going to have to spend more on waxing, though.
Just a little while longer... then I'll be all fixed up and ready to take on the world!
But for now, the drugs are wearing off and it's past my bedtime,,, I'm overdue for some very sweet dreams!