Unrequited

“I looked for that which is not, nor can be,
And hope deferred made my heart sick, in truth;
But years must pass before a hope of youth
Is resigned utterly.

I watched and waited with a steadfast will:
And, tho' the object seemed to fly away
That I so longed for, ever, day by day,
I watched and waited still.

Sometimes I said,-'This thing shall be no more;
My expectation wearies, and shall cease;
I will resign it now, and be at peace.'-
Yet never gave it o'er.

Sometimes I said,-'It is an empty name
I long for; to a name why should I give
The peace of all the days I have to live?'-
Yet gave it all the same.

Alas! thou foolish one,- alike unfit
For healthy joy and salutary pain,
Thou knowest the chase useless, and again
Turnest to follow it.” 
― Rossetti Christina Georgina

Winter is coming

Some days are harder than others, but I'm doing better every day.  

I was looking through some old pictures the other day and I was reminded of how broken I still am.  Seeing photos of my old home, my old family, my old life really hit me hard and made me realize that as happy as I am, I'm still grieving on some level.  I'm still patching up my shattered heart.
I'm so glad I decided to go to a new place to heal.  I'm not sure if I would have been able to heal back home.

Sometimes it seems like such a slow process, but sometimes I feel like I've come a long way in a short amount of time.  I'm completely taken aback when I think about the person I used to be.  It's as though she was a different person entirely.  I suppose she was.  I'm actually beginning to like the person I have become.  It's a nice feeling.

I went on my first date in almost 9 years.  It went well, until I mentioned that I had been a lesbian for the past decade.  He never called me again.  That kinda hurt, but if someone can't accept and adore me just as I am, I don't want them.  I met a couple other guys, but they were both pretty... meh.

I'm waiting for someone to impress me.  Not that I'm entirely ready to actually date, but I deserve to be impressed.  I'm not talking flowers and jewelry and dinners (though they would be nice!)... but actions, demeanor, ethics, manners.  I can only think of one person who has really impressed me in the last few years, but that's a story for another day.

I was accepted into a volunteer position at the Denver Dumb Friends League as a Pet Grooming Specialist!  I worked my first shift, and it was awesome!  doggydoggydoggy!  They will teach me to groom, and I can use that knowledge to offer mobile grooming services!

I'll be getting interwebs at home this weekend, so I'll be able to do interwebby things more, and not this disjointed, 5 words at a time shit while I'm at work. :P